Too much, too soon. How jumping the gun can ruin chances for connection.

by | Mar 10, 2022

Today we’re coming to you from Connection Crasher Headquarters. CCHQ 🤔 is the part of my brain which sends off alarm signals when I hear words people say, see actions they take or habits they have that slowly go to crack connection. The worst part about Connection Crashers? 9 times out of 10 people have no idea that they’re doing them and the impact they’re having.

Cue the LinkedIn invitation to connect that landed in my inbox this week:  

Hi Erin, I realized that the best way to show up on LinkedIn
is to fill my network with those that are in service of building a better world.
To align best with that intention, I’m reaching out to you. Is there a way I can
support you and your purpose at this time?

Curious: Your thoughts? Your reaction? What do you feel in your body?

My immediate response… 
A rapid-fire thought stream that went something like: oh crap, am I really in service of building a better world? I mean of course I am–I don’t want a WORSE world, but do I say that in my profile? I better live up to that expectation as to not disappoint anyone. Crap. My purpose? He wants to support me and my purpose? Cool, I guess. But wait, what’s my purpose? My PURPOSE? Double-crap, now I’ve gotta figure out and articulate my purpose before I get back to this guy so I can tell him how to support me. ALL OF A SUDDEN I AM VERY BUSY FIGURING OUT HOW I AM BUILDING A BETTER WORLD AND MY PURPOSE AND HOW THIS RANDO CAN SUPPORT ME and I’m really just trying to go about my business…of, well, running my business. 

When I read his invite it seemed like a lot of work.
When I read his invite my body kinda tensed up and my stomach did its weird flippy thing that it does.

Sound the alarm! A Connection Crasher had been committed!

The Crasher?

Too much. Too fast. Too big. Too soon. 

Now, per usual, I’ll assume positive intent.  I’ll assume this guy’s intention was to speak to a higher…well, purpose in an effort to make a non-surface, deep connection. 

Dude. You gotta crawl before you can sprint. 

His request was as if was in a full-on Chariots of Fire race down the beach while I was on a stroll, picking up shells and taking in the sunrise…and he immediately expected me to meet his pace and sprint along with him. Note: I don’t run. 

Without some rapport building or some general understanding of the other person’s basic interests and vibe, initiating contact by supporting someone’s purpose seems like, well, a lot. 
It raised my suspicions. 

How many other people had he sent this to?
Was he genuinely going to help all of those people with their purposes? It doesn’t seem possible. 
What was his REAL intention?
Can I trust this guy?

Without a little slow walk before the sprint, my answer was nope. 

Connection builds trust. Trust builds connection. In order to establish both, there is the initial groundwork that has to happen. Curiosity. Dialogue. Questions. All used to get in sync with the other person. Once the foundation is established, then we can open ourselves up to the bigger questions and the more vulnerable answers. 

When we go too big, too fast, too much when we are trying to establish connection, we risk destroying the potential possibilities and opportunities connection brings before it can even start. 

As for his invite? Deleted. 

What do you think? Was his invite too much, too soon for you? Would you consider it a Connection Crasher? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Hit reply and let me know!

Talk soon,


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