Yo! What’s up!

Think about that greeting, and imagine the places you might hear it.

The local coffee shop?

A party?

Catching up with a buddy?

Your first time at a doctor’s office, meeting the nurse practitioner that is going to help you with your physical?

While the first three probably had you nodding your heads, it was number four that hit me yesterday.

I was mid-chatting with a Nurse Practitioner in Training who asked me what I was in for and what was going on. Before I answered, I clarified that she was going to be the one addressing my story or if it was going to be someone else. She assured me it was her. Because I hate having to repeat myself.

So when Mr. What’s Up came in and asked me what was going on, and I said I’d already discussed it, and he told me to start again, I could feel the 🙄 here we go starting.

I re-gave the lowdown, which, in general terms, has to do with some tummy stuff. His immediate response: Do you want to go on weight loss drugs?

NP in Training had offered up the same solution!

I said um no. That seems extreme. He said, “Those medicines are dumb.” Then proceeded to give me a five-minute lecture on how they work. I’m sitting there with a no-pun-intended constipated look on my face, thinking I do not care because I do not want them also did you not watch the Oprah special because I’m pretty sure they do help some people, and why do I know more about this than you even though my source was an Oprah special which actually seems more legit than your random nonsense.

He finished his pointless diatribe. In my head, I was telling myself, “don’t say it Erin, don’t say it, let it go,” but I said, “I’m pretty sure those meds help some people…” and he stung me with another lecture about “maybe, but also they are still dumb.”

Random, pointless conversation continued and it started to become clear that I was here for prevention and health, they were here to react and prescribe.

Every comment was greeted with another pill-to-pop suggestion. Not interested.

There was an inane conversation about cholesterol which I will spare you because that, too, made no sense and the recounting it will elevate my blood pressure (which not for nothing, was shockingly good! When I got there…)

The takeaway there: eat oatmeal.

Oatmeal, apparently, is NOT DUMB. Oatmeal will solve ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS. Oatmeal.

I couldn’t take it anymore and I got up to leave because I was done and surprisingly triggered by oatmeal so I left and got in my car and said never again. Never will I ask a question or tell my story to a doctor or one who plays one at a medical center because there is never an answer. There’s never a response aligned with what I’m asking. It’s the same. Thing. Every. Time.

I thought about it. In his mind, Mr. What’s Up probably thought he gave 5-star service. I was so personable! My fun greeting, my stories, my analogies and examples!

He was trying so hard to be fun and casual that it landed as flippant. I don’t need fun. It’s not actually a club. I need you to care and lead by example.

The generic, knee-jerk response of hearing the word “weight” and immediately offering drugs or meds or surgery…he was locked and loaded when he walked in that door to give the same speech he probably gives to everyone.

On the ride home, it hit me. Maybe it’s my bad. I went in hoping to get information on how to get healthy and prevent future issues. They are there to respond instead of prevent and peddle meds and therefore encourage embracing the inevitable, which will probably lead to more meds.

Two completely different intentions. Two completely different purposes.

We were never going to vibe.

This got me thinking about that pattern and how it might be similar to conversations you’re having with your team, colleagues, or coworkers.

When your team comes to you, what types of conversations are they hoping to have? Are they going to you for support? For Information? To learn something? To share a helpful thought or process?

Are you locked and loaded with your standard response instead of exploring other options for supporting them? Is what you are offering really what they came for?

If there is a gap between what they are looking for and what you’re giving them, you have an opportunity to pause, get curious, and perhaps change your standard response.

Ask: Was this helpful? Does this feel complete? Am I picking up what you’re throwing down? (Only ask that if you’ve established trust and that’s your vibe. If not, it comes off as Yo-What’s-Up-ish. Not cool.)

That gap between intention and purpose can lead to misunderstanding, frustration, and people checking out.

We think we’re solving the problem.

We think we’re helping out.

What if our solution doesn’t fit their problem?

What if our help isn’t what they’re looking for?

They leave and check out. We wonder what went wrong.

Perhaps there’s a gap between what you think they need and what they really want. Close that gap, and people will stay.

And if they do, encourage them to eat their oatmeal. Apparently, it’s a lifesaver.