Lunch and learn, which was full of full moon shenanigans. You would not believe the stories coming out of two hours spent at a Brazilian Steakhouse. (Wait a week or two, and I’ll give it all to you!)

Now, I was given fair warning that there would be men, in gaucho wear, walking around with large skewers of meat, throughout my talk.

No biggie–I’ve dealt with those sorts of distractions before.

But until you actually experience something for yourself…it’s hard to really imagine the scene.

Well, I am here to tell you, as someone who had not previously partook in brazilian steakhouse eating, not only are the meat slayers fully wearing red jodpurs (and oh believe me, they are) they also verbally confirm you’d like more meat as they bring around the skewer.

Like their pants, their verbal inquiries are not subtle.

To me, standing in front of a fairly small room while trying to engage an audience of insurance/financial planner types, their requests sounded like, “I SEE YOUR GREEN CARD THERE THAT INDICATES YOU WANT MORE MEAT. WOULD YOU LIKE MORE MEAT? WHICH OF THE CHUNKS OF MEAT ON MY SKEWER WOULD YOU ENJOY? OH, THAT ONE, OK, COOL. LET ME SLIDE THAT MEAT OFF MY SKEWER AND HAVE A CHAT WITH YOU WHILE THAT WOMAN UP FRONT DRESSED LIKE A COLORFUL BLUEBERRY IS SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT LISTENING DOESN’T COUNT UNLESS YOU FEEL HEARD.”

At one point, I’m pretty sure there were multiple skewers skittering around the room.

So I’m working through that, and I’m going to out-volume any gaggle of gauchos, let’s be clear. It was a little distracting.

Then, another distraction. Or should I say 8-10 distractions. In the form of phones. That people were actively on.

Now, I’m sure you’re going to say get over it, Erin! You would tell us to choose the attitude that they are madly taking down notes because everything you say is so riveting and purposeful that they have to write it down!

Yeah, well, I could tell they weren’t.

I tried to focus on the people in the room that weren’t on their phones. Mild success.

“Maybe it’s you, Erin,” you might be thinking. Listen, besides having good stuff to say, I have zero slides, I wave a red balloon above my head, I’m wearing exceedingly bright colors, and those things are happening in the first five minutes. You can’t put your phone down for that…for a second?

One of my strengths, which makes me great at what I do, is my ability to read the room, pick up on the energy, and respond and react.

So when I read the room and 10 out of 20 people are staring at their phones, there’s not a whole lot of energy to respond to except for perceived disinterest.

My tendency then is to push. I push my voice, I push my energy, I get even more ramped up and try to energize them into submission to put down their phones.

In a small room with skewers of meat and other noise-making activities, I was concerned this approach would scare the diners out in the main restaurant.

I dialed it down. And I got curious.

Why do you come to these things if you’re not going to listen?

Why are you so addicted to your phone that you can’t put it down for a 45-minute lunch?

Why do you think it’s OK to be 4 feet away from a speaker and stare at your phone?

(Note: this is why we stay away from why questions and focus on the “what’s” and the “how’s.”)  XWRONG QUESTION

Those why questions can be slightly shame-y.

What does it take to make someone pay attention these days?!

How would they like it if they were talking and I stared at my phone?!?!

FYI those are still bad questions.

I continued on and got to the pivotal part in deflate, relate, elevate, when we talked about how listening doesn’t count unless I feel heard.

I might have repeated that line about 12 more times than I normally do.

They were not making me feel heard.

They were sending the signals that their devices were more enthralling than what I was saying.

Maybe part of the issue is speakers DON’T read the room. They DON’T pick up on the energy. They just drone on and do what they do and are so oblivious to what’s happening in the room they don’t even pick up that people are not paying attention. Those speakers are feeding the beast.

What I realized today is that a lot of preparation goes into my work. (That’s bad grammar–I realized that a looooooooong time ago.) I spend a lot of time prepping and getting ready for all of my events, even the rando-lunch-and-learn at the Brazilian Steakhouse. I value people’s time. I value their energy. I give all I’ve got to all of my programs.

All I’m asking for is that fair energetic exchange.

I’m giving my audiences a lot. Maybe give a little bit back, and put down your phone for a few. If you can’t stand it, find the information useless, find my clothes too bright, fine. Pick up your device.

The energy it is taking me to “not take it personally” to “assume positive intent” to “tell yourself the story that they all have family emergencies at the same time and have to look at their phones” or “maybe there is a new dog on werategogs on Instagram and dogs trump whatever you’re saying, Erin,” or to rework and rehearse and practice to make sure my presentations are useful and relatable seems to warrant at least a few minutes of paying attention. Give me a little something. Give me a little give and take.

Look up from your phones and make me feel heard.

Or…I guess, since no one seems to mind, I could start phoning it in. 😏

JK JK JK. Don’t worry I would never.

I’ll just keep screaming, for the people in the back, LISTENING DOESN’T COUNT UNLESS YOU FEEL HEARD AND FYI I DON’T FEEL HEARD WHEN YOU ARE ON YOUR PHONES SO PLEASE LOOK UP. 😊