Back in the day I rocked an asymmetrical.
Well, to this day I rock an asymmetrical. (Haircut that is, for those who aren’t tracking.)
I’m not afraid of this look. I love the vibe. One of the small ways to show my sass–if you’re paying attention.
I headed off to my hair appointment in Santa Fe having shifted from the asymmetrical for a bit. I sensed it was time to bring it back. So I did. But in less of a subtle asymmetrical way and more of a SUPER EXTREME WAY. So extreme that my hairdresser had me facing away from the mirror and then turned me around for the big reveal!
I remember the initial WTF split second reaction when my eyes got real big like oh crap what have I done and how long will it take the one side of my seemingly almost shaved head to grow back.
But my hairdresser “convinced” me it was cool. It looked great! “No one else rocks this haircut!”
Like it was a good thing. I bought it.
Then I drove home and I called my then boyfriend Mike (now husband which might surprise you when I tell you what he said) and told him I got an extreme haircut and I wasn’t quite sure about it so don’t say anything too harsh.
His words upon seeing me:
“What’s up, Flock of Seagulls?”
(I’ll wait for you to Google if you are not familiar.)
He wasn’t wrong.
It didn’t seem that there were a lot of options so I double downed on the whole “no one else rocks this haircut!” as a good thing vibe and owned that lewk.
Now this transpired during my inbetween-toxic-jobs-falling-in-love-with-my-wiseass-boyfriend-now-husband-bartending era. So off I went to serve up drinks at LaPo, the bougie bar in downtown Santa Fe.
I was greeted with multiple big open eyed looks and, “You got a haircut!”
That ambiguous phrase that you can only confirm but not really know what to do with.
The next phrase that came out as much as sprays of aqua net in the 80s was, “Nice hair! You can pull it off…”
“You can pull off that hairdo!”
“Not everyone could pull off that haircut, but you can!”
🤔🤨🤔🤨🤔🤨🤔🤨🤔🤨🤔🤨
CAN I REALLY BECAUSE I DO NOT BELIEVE IT.
After two weeks of this commentary I went back to the hairdresser and said even this shit out and I don’t even remember how he did it because I’d like to block out the Flock of Seagulls month from my life.
I joined a gym the other day.
I met some dude that worked there and he gave me a quasi-tour of the facility. He called this bro over, we’ll call him Chris, because that’s his actual name.
Chris was mid-lift when Dude called him over. Chris was not impressed by the interruption. Chris came over with a look of scorn and general disdain on his face. Dude said I had just joined, that I worked with an online trainer.
Chris ROLLED HIS EYES and made some snarky comment. My initial almost involuntary response is to banter back. #JerseyGirl.
Then I realized his snark wasn’t just banter–he was a condescending a-hole that oozed self-importance and a whole can’t-be-bothered-talking-to-you-you-peon vibe.
You know, just the energy you’re looking for when you are joining a gym and might be a little intimidated or just in general uncertain because it’s a new environment.
Once his true nature showed, I went from Jersey Girl banter to Jersey Girl don’t even mess with me because I see through your BS. I death-stared him. He didn’t even notice. He made some vague “let me know if you have questions” comment and went back to his bench press or whatever.
I looked at Dude and asked, “WHO is that?”
“He’s the Area Director for the personal training program.”
YOU DON’T SAY.
“Put it this way, Dude. I will NEVER ask that guy a question nor go near him again.”
Dude got it.
HE had read the room. Then Dude said it: “He’s an acquired taste…”
🤔🤨🤔🤨🤔🤨🤔🤨🤔🤨
Long story “short” I quit that gym the next day and joined another gym that was welcoming, clean, and free of gym-bros.
I went back to LA Fitness to cancel.
The lovely woman who was at the counter asked why. I said, “Chris. He made me feel completely unwelcomed, super uncomfortable, and like this wasn’t a place where I belong. So I’m done here and found another place. “
“He’s got a big personality…”
🤔🤨🤔🤨🤔🤨🤔🤨🤔🤨
Now I have a big personality, but that’s not an excuse to be a raging jerk.
Some people might have an “acquired” taste, but if they are the ones that are part of the process of I DON’T KNOW acquiring new clients/customers to your business, perhaps that taste should be less “acquired” and more pleasant, at the least.
The thing is, you could tell from Dude and Lovely Counter Woman as soon as I said his name, they were like here we go…we’ve heard this before…we have to deal with this bro every day.
I cancelled.
I’m never going back there.
But those people have to work with him day in and day out. Those customers have to “acquire his taste” and learn how to deal with him.
This seems like a lot of effort all around for one person to be able to act at will with not great consequences–annoyed coworkers who have to make excuses and clients who cancel and use their very big-personality-mouths to tell everyone how much LA Fitness stinks.
What does an asymmetrical-do have to do with a gym-bro?
Answering the question: what is the price of “pulling it off” or “acquired taste” or “big personality?”
Who are YOU rationalizing away on your team? You know, when you say things like…
“Oh, that’s just how so and so is…”
“Yeah, we hear that a lot…”
“I get it–we have to deal with it daily…”
When you are rationalizing away, you are NOT pulling it off.
You need to go and do what I did and get that situation fixed! Evened out! SOMETHING so you are not wasting your time and energy and destroying your customer experience and team morale trying to “pull something off.”
How many people are you making run far away 😉 because you’re rationalizing poor performance and bad behavior?
Some people will stay.
Some people will run away.
Some people will speak up.
Some people will shut up.
It’s up to you as a leader to be aware of the look you’re giving off–the “look” being the experience you’re delivering and the people delivering it–and if it vibes with who you are (as a company) and who you want to be.
You get to have a say. You get to take action. You get to create the experience.
Butterfly Breezes: The other day I heard Oprah say, “Astonish a mean world with acts of kindness,” and I thought if that’s not a definition of Butterfly Breezes, I don’t know what is. So we’re using her version today. This week’s Breezes:
- Moving someone’s flops back up the beach when the tide was about to take them away
- The neighbor-down-the-street whose house I walk by on the regular texting to check in since they hadn’t seen me in a few…
- The receptionist at the doctor’s office who said, “No biggie” when I was a few minutes late instead of the normal scolding look.
Hit reply and send your Breezes my way!
P.S. When you’re ready to see how we can enhance The Experience of You and/or your team, here are ways we can work together:
- The Extravaganza : A three day transformational experience where we develop your authentic experience, presence, and confidence. No more “pulling things off”–instead showing up and creating impact.
- The Experience of You keynote: How showing up as a real, relatable human being is your biggest differentiator.
- Spread the love and forward this newsletter to a friend.