Last week, I was in front of a room of 100 nurses and nurse leaders, facilitating a feedback workshop.
I was overviewing Feedback 411–the basics–before we got into the framework.
“If you see something, say something.” That’s the general vibe of feedback. If you let things go and don’t respond in the moment (I’ll give you 24 hours to make something happen), you have a molehill that’s going to turn into a mountain. Guaranteed.
Then came one of those collective nods in the room, like a wave of heads saying, “Completly makes sense. OMG, yes, I climb mountains every day because I ignore the molehills. Yes, ‘see something, say something!’ PREACH, SISTER!”
Their head nods were saying, “Yeah!” their eyes were deer-in-headlights saying, “No way I’m doing that!”
I could see the conflict in their body language and could feel the oh crap, she just called us out without even trying to call us out, and what should we do about it happening in the room.
A brave soul raised their hand.
“What if we HAVEN’T said anything? And now it’s kind of a big deal.”
More mad head nodding! Now the eyes were pleading, “Give us the elixir!” They were silently screaming, “I’ve got a mountain range I deal with every day because I haven’t said a lot of things to a lot of people, and I’m tirrrrrrreeeeeddd.”
My response: “Say it now.”
COLLECTIVE GASP.
Like I had simultaneously spoken blasphemy and gave them a miracle solution.
The way I saw it and laid it out for them, there were two options. First, keep on letting that molehill grow and stay silent. Continue to spend energy dealing with bad behavior or performance. Send the message to all the other people trying to do the right thing, saying that this bad behavior is good and wonder why people leave, get disgruntled, or check out. I might have hinted that option seems exhausting, not to mention utterly unaligned with the accountability culture they’re trying to build.
Option two: say something.
Might sound like, “Hey. This (name behavior) has been going on for a while. Truth be told, I probably should have brought it up before. Since we’re working on creating a better environment for our patients, I wanted to talk to you about it now so we can move forward in a new direction. Cool?”
COOL THEY’LL SAY.
(Caveat: Now, if someone did one thing five years ago and hasn’t done that thing since, but you really want to get it off your chest and tell them what’s up…move on. That’s not the point.)
Interestingly, the workshop was the day after the election. I couldn’t help but notice all the “hot takes” and quickly formed opinions and all the people saying all the things about things that no one could know for sure. They were saying something for sure–but did they really know what they were seeing? Or who they were saying it to? Those folks had no problem spouting off!
Yet, when the person is right in front of us, on our team, in our environment, we hesitate to share feedback that could help them grow and learn. That could help shift the environment for the better. That could actually make an impact instead of hot-take-shouting to the void.
It’s easier to talk about someone than to someone. It’s also drama-inducing, exhausting, and a waste of energy.
It’s not too late to have the conversation. It’s not too late to show you care and invest in that team member. It’s not too late to head in a new direction.
You’ll only know if any of that is possible by engaging them in conversation and letting them know your perspective, finding out theirs, and forging a new way forward.
It is the one-to-one conversations that have a chance of actually making an impact.
Show up for them. Engage. Connect with the people in front of you.
