It’s always a fine line.

When we’re talking about difficult conversations, how to work through them, how to navigate them. Workshop participants share their stories, open up, get real about what’s getting them going.

The fine line starts to get sketched out. I get a little flutter in my gut. I wonder if it’s the right time, if we’ve built enough trust, if they can tell my intention is genuine and comes from a place of making them stronger communicators.

The line to cross over? Deciding to mention they might be taking things personally.

There’s a tendency for all of us to do it. Take things personally.

There’s a tendency within me that when someone mentions I took something personally to stick my tongue out at them and say NOT TRUE, but then I might not be doing a good job of not taking what they said personally.

I was listening to a podcast this week about equanimity aka balance aka Buddhist-like practices because I’m feeling a need for some chill in the universe, if you know what I’m saying.

The teacher shared a perspective that made me go 😳 then YES, then that is it!

Loosely paraphrasing, she shared how taking it personally means that we are only in our worlds and we’ve lost sight that there is another person living in their world, in their reality, with their experiences, stories, values, and worldview.

Perhaps this was the meaning all along, and I was too busy taking things personally to explore and really grasp the concept besides its surface value.

When we take things personally, it’s not that it’s inherently bad; it’s that it keeps us closed off. It keeps us in our world, in our bubble, in our worldview. When we operate from that perspective, it’s really hard to be open to the experiences of the other person. It’s hard to see from their perspective. It’s hard to imagine anything other than our experience.

When we operate from this space, it’s like we’ve got our fists up, ready to rumble, metaphorically, of course.

When we don’t take things personally, we are putting down our fists. We are opening up our minds. We are getting curious about where that other person is coming from and the lens through which they see things.

We stop taking things personally by realizing there’s another person involved.

It’s not about us. It’s about them.

I don’t know about you, but when I think about the concept that way, I get more calm, open, and curious.

And a whole lot less defensive.

I guess that’s the point.

With that perspective, I’m now much more willing to cross that line in class and bring it up in a way that opens them up instead of shutting them down.

Because it’s with that posture, of not having it be all about us, we can engage in these difficult conversations in hopes of reaching understanding.

Which is also what the universe could use right about now.