I don’t know about you, but this week has been a lot. The heaviness of the news of the destruction from the hurricane is heartbreaking. If you’re into these sorts of things, apparently, there was some sort of astrological chaos happening. For my friend, this week also brought on a sick kiddo, a day of layoffs within her company and having to let some of her team go. A lot. 

On the afternoon of the layoffs, she met with her boss and colleague about an issue with her compensation. The hits keep coming! Compensation convos can be tough on a good day…and this was decidedly not the best day. 

The conversation was swirling around: subtle shifting of responsibility to other departments, loose lack of ownership, arbitrary interpretation of data and percentages, not to mention the interpersonal dynamics of the people at the table which were complex. 

Then, the moment came when everything started to hit. Emotions bubbled up to the surface. She could feel the dam about to break. She knew she was done. 

She excused herself from the meeting. She said she needed a minute. She acknowledged it had been a tough day with the layoffs; her phone was buzzing with the people they let go calling her; she needed to respond. She removed herself from the situation and said they’d pick up the conversation later. 

She packed up her stuff, headed to the other side of the office, found a room by herself, took a few deep breaths, and shifted the focus from her comp situation to the needs of her team and made the phone calls. 

We were talking the morning after. She shared how rattled she was in the meeting and how she could feel the upswell of frustration, aggravation, confusion, and lack of support–although, in the moment, all of those feelings and the reasons why weren’t clear. 

As we talked through things, she started to realize what was really frustrating her about the situation. She dialed in on what it was really about. She was ready to go into the next meeting with those thoughts in mind. 

She shared with me that before she left work on Wednesday, she sent emails to the guys in the room and apologized for stepping out. 

Something twitched with my Spidey senses when she said she apologized. 

In my eyes, there was no need for an apology. (Yet, I COMPLETELY understood why she did it.)

It’s OK to walk away. 

It’s OK to take a moment, or more, to remove yourself from the situation, process, reflect, and return when the emotions have settled. 

Every time someone gives us side eye or says something we might not like or uses an annoying tone we can’t just get up and leave the room. That is decidedly NOT what I am saying. 

When we’ve had a long day, when we notice that things are surfacing and we can no longer stay calm, cool, and collected, when the amygdala hijacking has taken over…it is, in my view, our responsibility to walk away. Not stomp, shut down, or yell away, but do exactly as my friend did. Calmly say she needed a minute. State that you’re done and you’ll return to this later. Remove yourself from the environment until you can collect yourself and process what is happening. 

When we are processing, we need to check the ruminating. I have my PhD in ruminating and speculating…and that is not a degree I’m proud of. I have worked hard to be aware of when the rumination and story creation set in and to stop myself. It’s still a WIP, but man, is it freeing not to suffer from the stories that may not be true. 

My friend started speculating about what they thought about her stepping out of the situation. The spectrum was, “What the hell was that?!” to “Oh-my-gosh-she-is-a-invaluable-member-of-this-team-we-better-figure-it-out.”

I gently reminded her…you have no idea what they are thinking, first of all. Second of all, from my POV, if they had any sort of sense and leadership ability, they’d be thinking, “Man, she handled that well. It was a tough day. This is the third time we’ve messed with her compensation. I’d be annoyed, too. To have the composure to know when she was “done” and to remove herself…that takes guts. That takes emotional intelligence. That takes presence and awareness and courage. We better get our stuff together.” 

By the end of our conversation, I could sense the energy shift in her. With a break, a night’s sleep, talking it out and getting perspective, she was now ready to prove her case, to share what was really going on, and do it from a position of power and not of a position of exhaustion from a taxing day over a taxing topic in a taxing week in the universe. 

Walking away is OK. Removing yourself from a situation and saying you need a minute is OK. That awareness is powerful. If other’s cannot see that, that is an indication of them, more than you. 

Hopefully, you can read this and walk away from your week, your computer, and your responsibilities from the week…and enjoy a relaxing weekend.